On Why I Don't Want to Be an Object and Why I Don't Want You to Be, Either
A few weeks ago, Emma Watson posed with a ridiculous macrame shawl and nothing else under it. I can't say she looked sexy because she didn't. But what I did say on Facebook, that I felt she was not representing the Feminist world properly and she needed to go back to Hermione, ruffled a bunch of feathers.
The feathers were mostly from women who basically told me I know nothing of Feminism. Which isn't true. But several of the people chiming in were white, gay, male friends of mine. Here are these men who have never dealt with issues that only women know about telling ME I don't know Feminism.
The thing is, one of these friends later wrote that he LIKED objectification. He would be happy if he was objectified.
He doesn't get it.
To be objectified means that all the other stuff that you are, every other role you play, everything you consider good about yourself is thrown aside and you become just one thing. In most cases, it means that women become their looks. We become small waists, large breasts, no wrinkles, pretty hair, sweet expressions on our faces, we become sexy. We are nothing but what can be seen, and that better be good-looking or else!
Though men can be objectified, it doesn't make them into Just One Thing. A man can be considered a hottie, but it doesn't mean that he is considered stupid or inept or unqualified. Yes, there are stereotypes: dumb jock, loser stoner, and so on. But usually a man can be gorgeous, show off his muscles in a tight shirt, and still be respected. When a woman puts on a bikini, she loses anything but the drooling compliments from men about how she looks.
The argument made on that fateful day on FB about Emma Watson was that she loves her body and should be able to do anything she wants with it. I was railed at because I am a Mormon prude, yadda yadda yadda. My response was, if she loves her body, why would she pose in something so ugly (it was ugly) and immodest? Why would she want to become ONLY her body? Did anyone looking at that photo think, boy, she sure is smart. She sure is articulate.
What my detractors didn't know was I was feverish in asking women to please not allow themselves to be objectified BEFORE I was Mormon. I was adamant that women respect themselves enough to not do the easy, worldly thing and strip off your clothes and then wonder why nobody takes you seriously long before I got baptized. I do not suggest for one second that women shroud themselves in burkhas, and unlike many of my LDS sisters, I'm not aghast at sleeveless shirts, skirts and shorts above the knee, or other 'immodest' attire. There is a difference between wearing clothing that is weather-appropriate, or fun and silly, and skanky. I was raised at the beach. I get summer wear. I even get lovely prom wear. I even get wearing things as a character in a play that I would never wear off-stage.
Oh, I used a slut shaming word--skanky. If I say that, am I still a Feminist? Why yes. Yes, I am. I am horrified when my gender is hurt by men, and it happens every single day. But I'm also upset when women scream for more respect and then fall prey to what the world (meaning men) require of women on how we must look. Doesn't anyone else get that? Women, you are making it hard for all of us if you think there is anything lovely about dressing like a hooker. You make it impossible for women to be respected because you are becoming An Object.
Do I think it's fair that a man can dress like a hunk and nobody thinks differently but when a woman puts on super sexy clothes, she is disrespected? No, it isn't fair. But THIS IS HOW IT IS. This is how the world looks at things. Women who dress provocatively will provoke. And it hurts all of us.
I know I sound old-fashioned and fuddy duddy and I couldn't even care less about that. But I do love my gender, and hate when we are belittled and marginalized. It's worse when my own gender doesn't even try to understand that we are our worst enemies in this.
The feathers were mostly from women who basically told me I know nothing of Feminism. Which isn't true. But several of the people chiming in were white, gay, male friends of mine. Here are these men who have never dealt with issues that only women know about telling ME I don't know Feminism.
The thing is, one of these friends later wrote that he LIKED objectification. He would be happy if he was objectified.
He doesn't get it.
To be objectified means that all the other stuff that you are, every other role you play, everything you consider good about yourself is thrown aside and you become just one thing. In most cases, it means that women become their looks. We become small waists, large breasts, no wrinkles, pretty hair, sweet expressions on our faces, we become sexy. We are nothing but what can be seen, and that better be good-looking or else!
Though men can be objectified, it doesn't make them into Just One Thing. A man can be considered a hottie, but it doesn't mean that he is considered stupid or inept or unqualified. Yes, there are stereotypes: dumb jock, loser stoner, and so on. But usually a man can be gorgeous, show off his muscles in a tight shirt, and still be respected. When a woman puts on a bikini, she loses anything but the drooling compliments from men about how she looks.
The argument made on that fateful day on FB about Emma Watson was that she loves her body and should be able to do anything she wants with it. I was railed at because I am a Mormon prude, yadda yadda yadda. My response was, if she loves her body, why would she pose in something so ugly (it was ugly) and immodest? Why would she want to become ONLY her body? Did anyone looking at that photo think, boy, she sure is smart. She sure is articulate.
What my detractors didn't know was I was feverish in asking women to please not allow themselves to be objectified BEFORE I was Mormon. I was adamant that women respect themselves enough to not do the easy, worldly thing and strip off your clothes and then wonder why nobody takes you seriously long before I got baptized. I do not suggest for one second that women shroud themselves in burkhas, and unlike many of my LDS sisters, I'm not aghast at sleeveless shirts, skirts and shorts above the knee, or other 'immodest' attire. There is a difference between wearing clothing that is weather-appropriate, or fun and silly, and skanky. I was raised at the beach. I get summer wear. I even get lovely prom wear. I even get wearing things as a character in a play that I would never wear off-stage.
Oh, I used a slut shaming word--skanky. If I say that, am I still a Feminist? Why yes. Yes, I am. I am horrified when my gender is hurt by men, and it happens every single day. But I'm also upset when women scream for more respect and then fall prey to what the world (meaning men) require of women on how we must look. Doesn't anyone else get that? Women, you are making it hard for all of us if you think there is anything lovely about dressing like a hooker. You make it impossible for women to be respected because you are becoming An Object.
Do I think it's fair that a man can dress like a hunk and nobody thinks differently but when a woman puts on super sexy clothes, she is disrespected? No, it isn't fair. But THIS IS HOW IT IS. This is how the world looks at things. Women who dress provocatively will provoke. And it hurts all of us.
I know I sound old-fashioned and fuddy duddy and I couldn't even care less about that. But I do love my gender, and hate when we are belittled and marginalized. It's worse when my own gender doesn't even try to understand that we are our worst enemies in this.
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